June 6, 2005
Rent a German
You now can. The Times of London did:
Rentagerman.de opened in March and has attracted hundreds of thousands of visitors and more than 200 requests for Germans from as far afield as Houston and Venice.
It is not clear why. The site promises that “renting a German was never so easy”, which is probably true but hardly irresistible. It offers “a wide range of Germans for [your] personal and social needs” but does not suggest what those might be. The Times would have to hire a German to find out.
Johannes Blank, a conceptual artist from Munich, never expected anyone to take his site seriously but was happy to take my money. He sent over a contract (no “sexual acts” or “discriminating actions”), we agreed a fee of £800 and my German was booked on a plane to Stansted. The phone rang just after 7am the next day. It was the German to say that he had arrived in England and caught the train to London an hour early. “That’s German efficiency for you,” my wife mumbled, sleepily.
The Times never quite figured out what to do with its German, who apparently was quite good at math, had experience of children’s parties, and could cook Italian food. The newspaper should perhaps have made use of the free “support package” (go here and click on “help”).
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